Quotes...

"Women are like cell phones. They like to be held and talked to, but push the wrong button, and you'll be disconnected."---Unknown

"People like you are the reason people like me take pills!"---Neva Faith Linn

"When you're in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, 'Damn, that was fun.'"---Unknown

"There are two different kinds of people in this world: those who finish what they start, and"---Brad Ramsey

"Life was so much easier when your clothes didn't match and boys had cooties!"---Unknown

"Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same."---Oscar Wilde

"A man may be a fool and not know it, but not if he is married."---H.L. Mencken

"The reason grandchildren and grandparents get along so well is because they have a common enemy."---Unknown

"Reality is a hallucination brought on by lack of alcohol."---Unknown

"Love makes the world go round? Not at all. Whiskey makes it go round twice as fast."---Compton Mackenzie

"The truth is that parents are not really interested in justice. They just want quiet."---Bill Cosby

"You've reached middle age when all you exercise is caution."---Unknown

"Some people are alive only because it is illegal to kill them."---Unknown

"When a husband brings his wife flowers for no reason, there's a reason."---Molly McGee

"Nothing in the world is friendlier than a wet dog."---Unknown

"Nothing is so embarrassing as watching someone do something that you said couldn't be done."---Sam Ewing

"A good time to keep your mouth shut is when you're in deep water."---Unknown

"If you think something small can't make a difference, try going to sleep with a mosquito in the room."---Unknown

"A father is someone who carries pictures where his money used to be."---Unknown

"A bargain is something you cannot use at a price you cannot resist."---Unknown

"Adam and Eve had an ideal marriage. He didn't have to hear about all the men she could have married, and she didn't have to hear about the way his mother cooked."---Kimberly Broyles

"If swimming is so good for your figure, how do you explain whales?"---Unknown

"I like work; it fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours."---Jerome K. Jerome

"The best time to give advice to your children is while they're still young enough to believe you know what you're talking about."---Unknown

"Bad luck is bending over to pick up a four-leaf clover and being infected by poison ivy."---Unknown

"English is a funny language--that explains why we park our car on the driveway and drive our car on the parkway."---Mark Grasso

"Even more exasperating than the guy who thinks he knows it all is the one who really does."---Al Bernstein

"If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then give up. There's no use in being a damn fool about it."---W.C. Fields

"It's a strange world of language in which skating on thin ice can get you into hot water."---Franklin P. Jones